I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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