please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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