he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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