3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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