If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do vagina's smell?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
