My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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