Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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