break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
