were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
