Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
