I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
