I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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