lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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