i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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