u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
