She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
