do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
