You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
