she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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