garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My bed is full of blood and feathers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
