Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
