Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
