I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
