Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
