just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my being single is dangerous.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
