I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
