sarcasm needs its own font
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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