Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
