What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
