We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
