i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
