You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
