Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
