Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
