Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How naked do you want me to be?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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