Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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