John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
