So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
