we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
