there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
