Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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