1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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