He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
