toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
