The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
