i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
