Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is wine microwaveable?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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