You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
