A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
