you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
