a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
