Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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