tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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