Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing