i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk