I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.