How drunk are you??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.