She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
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I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.