awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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