Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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