They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
