Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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