these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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