is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
