Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
