wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
