she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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