My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do herpes really smell.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
