It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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