Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
