One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
