So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
