I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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