All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
