absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
