Already got asked if we're dating
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
