He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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