when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
