I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
