I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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