I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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