Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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