So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
