i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
