This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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