so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
