the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
