If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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